LOL Play

This is one of the most interesting piece of Short-Play I have ever read... it's by a friend of mine.. read it(it won't take more than 10 mins) here:

Nothing


A bare stage.

GUY 1. 'Sup dude.
GUY 2. Hey.
GUY 1. What's going on?
GUY 2. Just watching that burning house over there.
Guy1. What burning house?
GUY 2. It's offstage.
GUY 1. Oh.
GUY 2. But it's there.
GUY 1. What's the deal with it?
GUY 2. Plot device.
GUY 1. What do you mean?
GUY 2. Plot device, dude. You start the story with a guy standing in front of a burning house and go from there.
GUY 1. Oh. How's that working out?
GUY 2. I don't know. I was just standing here and then you showed up.
GUY 1. Is it like, a symbol or something?
GUY2. Probably.
GUY 1. I don't get it.
GUY 2. Yeah, neither do I.
GUY 1. No offense, but this is a pretty shitty plot device.
GUY2. Give it some time. Sit down, have a smoke.
GUY 1. I don't smoke.
GUY 2. Well this is my story and in my story you smoke.
GUY 1. I don't want to smoke.
GUY 2. Smoke the goddamn cigarette.[GUY 1 takes a cigarette from GUY 2 and takes a drag from it. He chokes and coughs.]Way to smoke.
GUY 1. I said I didn't smoke, didn't I? If the smoking is so important you should have lit one up.
GUY 2. I don't smoke.
GUY 1. Shouldn't there be firemen on that house by now?
GUY 2. We don't have any firemen.
GUY 1. Who do we have?
GUY 2. You and me, so far.[Enter LOVE INTEREST stage RIGHT.]And her now.
GUY 1. Who's that?
GUY 2. I don't know, probably the romantic interest.
GUY 1. She's not too bad.
GUY 2. She's doable.[Enter JERK stage RIGHT.]
GUY 1. Another guy? We already have two.
GUY 2. This guy's important.
GUY 1. Why's that?
GUY 2. He's the jerk boyfriend. Eventually she realizes he’s a jerk and falls in love with me, who's been by her side all along.
GUY 1. You don't even know her.
GUY 2. It's my story.[Enter RANDOM stage LEFT.]
GUY 1. Who's that?
GUY 2. I don't know. He exits stage right and we never see him again.[Exit RANDOM stage RIGHT. We never see him again.]
GUY 1. Here she comes.
GUY 2. How do I look?
GUY 1. Simian.
GUY 2. Thanks.[LOVE INTEREST sniffles.]Excuse me.LOVE INTEREST. Huh?
GUY2. Hi.
LOVE INTEREST. Hello.
GUY 2. Want to fall in love?
LOVE INTEREST. Excuse me?
GUY 2. Fall in love. With me.
LOVE INTEREST. I don't understand...
GUY 2. Your boyfriend's a jerk, so he's not an option, and you hate smokers, so that leaves out this guy here.
GUY 1. Oh, you asshole!
LOVE INTEREST. Is this a joke?
GUY 2. Nope. Don't fall in love with me straight away, though. We need to draw out the sexual tension until our eyes meet under the stars or something. Then we kiss and everybody's happy and curtains fall.
LOVE INTEREST. I don't get it.
GUY 2. That's how romances are done. [to GUY 1.] Hey, are you done with that cigarette?GUY 1. Yeah.
GUY 2. Here's another.
GUY 1. Damnit.

[JERK approaches.]
JERK. What the fucking cockshit?
LOVE INTEREST. Oh no, please, Jerry, I was just…
JERK. Fuck that goddamn, I'm fucking pissed the fuck fucking.
LOVE INTEREST. We were just talking…
JERK. Fucking football ass shit ass shit shit fuck slut.
GUY 1. I hope there aren't any kids in the audience.
GUY 2. He doesn't care; he's an asshole like that.
JERK. Fuck.
LOVE INTEREST. No, Jerry, I told you, I don't want to discuss the finer points of Marxist economic theory right now.
JERK. Cockslap bitch fuck fucking ass.
LOVE INTEREST. I'm Smithian and always will be. Your eloquent rhetoric will never change that.
JERK. Motherfucking fuckslut fuck a fuck.
LOVE INTEREST [with a sob]. Now you're just being hurtful!
JERK. Fuck!

[JERK exits stage LEFT. LOVE INTEREST cries. GUY 2 opens his arms. She flings herself violently into them, and cries on his shoulder. After a while, she stops crying and they catch each other’s eyes. They pause for a moment.]
GUY 2. Beat.
LOVE INTEREST. What?
GUY 2. In acting, this is called a beat. It's a division of the scene when two characters have made a mutual discovery. In this case, you have discovered that I am your true love and I have discovered I have a chance of scoring. And it all happened under silvery moonlight.
GUY 1. Dude, it's two in the afternoon and we're indoors.
GUY 2. My story.
LOVE INTEREST. I want to kiss you.
GUY2. Damn straight you do.[They kiss. Tenderly at first, but then they start to get a little carried away.]
GUY 1. Whoa, whoa! Keep it PG.
GUY 2. My story!
GUY 1. You know what? I'm getting sick of "your story". This is my story now. And my story has fuckin' pirates in it.[Enter PIRATE 1 stage RIGHT.]I said pirates![Enter PIRATE 2 stage RIGHT.]
2. What up?
GUY 1. Hell yeah! Do some funky pirate shit.
PIRATE1. Like what?
GUY 1. I don't know. Do a pirate dance.[The PIRATES dance.]Now this story is going places.
GUY 2. What? This is stupid. Romances don't have pirates in them.
GUY 1. This isn't a romance any more.[PIRATE 1 starts "waxing that ass."]
LOVE INTEREST. Those guys are freaking me out.
GUY 2. Yo! Hey![The PIRATES stop dancing.]You're killing the mood over here.
PIRATE 1. Just doing as we're told.
GUY 2. Get out of here.[PIRATES exit stage RIGHT, grumbling.]
GUY 1. Dude, I went along with your crappy story.
GUY2. My story is not crappy.
GUY 1. Yeah it is.
GUY 2. No you are.
GUY 1. You're just jealous because my story also has robots in it.[Enter PIRATE 1 stage RIGHT.]What? I said robots this time.
PIRATE 1. Man, I was just onstage. I didn't have time for a costume change. Pretend I'm a robot pirate.
GUY 1. That's stupid.
GUY 2. Your whole story is stupid. It's not even a story. Mine had an intricate plot, yours is just some pirates.
GUY 1. He's a robot.[PIRATE 1 starts doing the robot.]
LOVE INTEREST. Oh. My. God. Somebody please tell the dancing pirate to stop, seriously.
GUY1. He can't help it! Poppin' fresh moves flow through his veins like the mighty Ganges.[Enter PIRATE 2 stage RIGHT with rope.]
PIRATE 2. Did someone ask for a reef knot?
GUY 1. No man, a robot.
PIRATE 2. Oh.[Beat.][Exit PIRATE 2 stage RIGHT.]
GUY 2. This is ridiculous. [to PIRATE 1] Stop dancing.[PIRATE 1 stops dancing.]Exit stage right.[Exit PIRATE 1 stage RIGHT.]
GUY 1. Alright, I see how it is. Beat.
GUY 2. Beat?
GUY 1. That's right, beat. Your romantic interest just discovered your horrible secret.[LOVE INTEREST gasps.]
GUY 2. I don't have a horrible secret.
GUY 1. That's not what you told... her sister!
LOVE INTEREST. You bastard! I hate you!
GUY 1. Enter Pirate 1, stage right.

[Enter PIRATE 1 stage RIGHT.]She runs into the pirate's waiting arms.

PIRATE 1. What?[LOVE INTEREST runs into PIRATE 1’s arms.]
GUY 1. They get married and she forgets about you.
PIRATE 1. Sweet.
GUY 1. After they exit stage left.[Exit PIRATE 1 and LOVE INTEREST stage LEFT.]And they spend their days dancing the night away. You can't really tell because they're not onstage anymore, but rest assured they're dancing their hearts out. The end.

[Lights begin to dim, curtains begin to fall.]

GUY2. Hey![Lights go back up, curtains draw open.]What was that for?
GUY 1. You ended my story, so I ended yours.
GUY 2. That wasn't cool.
GUY 1. Neither was you sending my pirates away.
GUY 2. I guess.
GUY 1. I'm sorry.
GUY 2. Me too.
GUY 1 and 2. Beat.
GUY 2. I'd hug you but I'm homophobic.
GUY 1. So now what?
GUY 2. We can keep standing here by the house.
GUY 1. Let's not.
GUY 2. Okay.[They begin to exit stage RIGHT.][Enter PIRATE 2 stage RIGHT dressed as a robot.]
GUY 1. Sorry man, you're too late. We're done.
PIRATE 2. But...
GUY 2. Sorry, gotta go.[Exit GUY 1 and GUY 2 stage RIGHT.][PIRATE 2, alone onstage, looks dejectedly at the audience. He attempts a half-hearted robot for a few seconds before giving up. He sighs and glumly shuffles away stage RIGHT.]

[Curtains fall.]